The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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