We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
