Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
