And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
