drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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