im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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