her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Randomize
