She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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