Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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