Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
