In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
