dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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