She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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