Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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