Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
