She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
