The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
