how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
