Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
