Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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