This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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