We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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