had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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