Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
