my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
