I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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