my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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