Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize