Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
