am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
