You made me cry and you don't even care
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
