my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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