i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Vodka?
Forever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
