So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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