whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
