He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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