The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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