Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
