i think my mom watched the whole time
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
