i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
