Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
