I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
