Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
