i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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