I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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