I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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