Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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