But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
