I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
