I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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