I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
