he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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