My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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