i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
