Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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