Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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