Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want her autograph on my taint
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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