What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
