if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm both gender and math confused
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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