alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize