She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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