Sponge bath it is.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
