Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
