My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
