I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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