His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He passed out mid-signature
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
