that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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