I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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