I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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