3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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