I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
