i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
