I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
