Whod you bang
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's always time for handjobs
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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